Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people have a motto, “Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your partner.” When something goes wrong, they quickly take advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction of love.
To be irritable means “to be near the point of a knife.” Not far from being poked. People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.
When under pressure, love doesn’t turn sour. Minor problems don’t yield major reactions. The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving man will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and restraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving woman is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
Why do people become irritable? There are at least two key reasons that contribute to it:
Stress: Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky. It can be brought on by relational causes: arguing, division, and bitterness. There are excessive causes: overworking, overplaying, and overspending. And there are deficiencies: not getting enough rest, nutrition, or exercise. Oftentimes, we inflict these daggers on ourselves, and this sets us up to be irritable.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. This means you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, and ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.
The Bible can help you avoid unhealthy stress. It teaches you to let love guide your relationships so you aren’t caught up in unnecessary arguments (Colossians 3:12-14), to pray through your anxieties instead of tackling them on your own (Philippians 4:6-7), to delegate when you are overworked (Exodus 18:17-23), and to avoid overindulgence (Proverbs 25:16).
God gives us a day each week, the “Sabbath,” to rest and rejuvenate.
Selfishness: When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them, they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet.
Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. But selfishness also wears many other masks.
Lust, for example, is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forbidden. When your heart is lustful, it will become easily frustrated and angered (James 4:1-3). Bitterness takes root when you respond in a judgmental way and refuse to work through your anger. A bitter person’s unresolved anger leaks out when he is provoked (Ephesians 4:31). Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires (1 Timothy 6:9-10). These strong cravings coupled with dissatisfaction lead you to lash out at anyone who stands in your way. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.
These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things.
Love will lead you forgive instead of holding a grudge, to be grateful instead of being greedy, and to be content rather than rushing into more debt. It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your partner with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your relationship in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then, list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?